WHY don't we?

Why is it that we do many things but not (often) the things that really matter? I need to lose weight (groan) and you may need to buy a house but I don't stop eating and you don't step over the threshold of an estate agent's. Yet we are capable intelligent women. We could do what each other need to do - I would love trawling through estate agents seeking out that perfect property, and you may have no problem eating plenty of healthy foods. Yet we can't do what we really need to for ourselves.

Is it fear? Are we afraid that if we start on our quest we may not succeed? I feel it is that we are seeing the problem rather than the solution. And when we concentrate on the problem it gets bigger and more dominating and therefore less easy to tackle so we don't bother. Whereas if we saw the solution and worked towards that - joy! Motivation indeed.

So why is it that we see the negative rather than the positive? And why don't we see the 'us' that others see? Also - and this is weird - are we scared of succeeding?

I've decided that in order to achieve something we have to focus on the end result rather than the process itself. Whether it is buying a house, getting a new job, getting fit: don't think about the how, just think about it being, at the end. So that's what I'm going to do. Starting now. And in a way it's a different way of looking at things because we've always been taught to be methodical and start at the beginning but actually maybe here we have to start at the end - the result we wish to achieve. Maybe by starting at the end we find ourselves at the beginning - at the point of satisfaction and hope. And that's surely where we'd all like to be.

Am I in moral decline????

Help. I am now the only one left. Am I being frowned upon??

When my daughter was ready to go to school - 4 years 6 weeks, far too young in my opinion! - I looked around at my various options. Near to me was a 'town' school - all concrete with no green spaces. A large number of parents were regular drug users and the dealers dealt at the school gates (if not in my car parking space behind my house). These were really the deciding factors for me - I wanted my daughter to play on a field at play times, running around and feeling free. And I didn't want to trip over dealers at 3.15 when going to collect her. I was also aware that a high proportion of the parents were single parent families and whilst this by no means put me off using the school, when I found a school with green spaces for the children to run around in with no dealers crowding at the gates, I signed on the dotted line. And I also found that the majority of the parents in the class were married. In fact there were only 3 of us who weren't married couples. So I had company.

Only now I don't. One of the other Mums got married a couple of years ago and the other one is getting married next weekend which only leaves myself and my daughter's father as the only unmarried parents along with one single parent. Am I in moral decline???? After all as others rush up the altar, I hurry to my own bedroom (yes, I did say my own bedroom). Separate rooms. We are what I think are known as LATs - Living Apart Togethers. And I didn't mind so much when there were more than one of us - I felt in good company. But now one of the Mums kicked out her 'LAT', found a gorgeous toy boy and hot-footed it to church and now lives in marital bliss. Yes, I'm feeling a little out on a limb. And the problem with that is, it makes you put your own relationship under a microscope and I have to say mine is not passing muster. Firstly, he says he doesn't love me (not a great start). Second, I feel we disrespect each other (yes, it's mutual). And third, I realised recently that we don't share a sense of humour in fact to put it bluntly I don't think he has one. He laughs at people but not with them and I find that so infuriating as I can't share it. I don't want to laugh at people I want to laugh with them.

So where do we go from here? Would I be brave enough to go it alone when I'm fair fat and forty plus? If I was slim and fit and confident then maybe. So that tells me what I have to do. And yes, I'm making a start. Healthy food and exercise is where I've started. I'll let you know where it takes me. Hopefully to a few belly laughs. And hopefully to courage