Yes, I have frostbite (Having a real 'Bridget Jones' moment here....)

Well I've really done it this time. Boy does it hurt. My dodgy ligament in a rather dodgy place recently experienced a flare up of inflammation. Knowing the quickest way of easing the discomfort was to pop an ice pack on it, i duly did so. Ah. That's better I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to find I'd wet the bed. Had I? Surely not. No, sure enough, it was the ice pack that had leaked. However as it had leaked onto the ligament (just above the pubic bone..um...yes) it had at the same time slipped down and leached out over what my daughter affectionately calls 'the twinkle'. Yes. Just there. And on waking I found I was stuck to it - or rather, it was stuck to me. I prized it off gingerly (didn't fancy spending the day walking around with an ice pack dangling precariously and painfully from there thank you very much - which seemed just about my only other option at this moment in time). So yes, I prized it off and yes, it was excruciating. But once off I thought, that's it, it's over, and life as I knew it carried on as normal.

But there was nothing normal about how I was feeling the next day when I got out of bed. As I walked to the bathroom I was aware that my 'twinkle' was very puffy and swollen - I could even feel it as I walked. Help I thought - what is going on? Hopping into the shower I put it to the back of my mind and carried on regardless. Only the next day that was nigh on impossible. I was in agony. There was nothing else for it. Donning my glasses and clutching a magnifying glass, all very Inspector Cluseau, i went 'down under', holding a mirror as close to the offending site as possible. Ah! Help! I'd turned a rather bright shade of purple!

Grabbing the 'phone, I made an appointment to see my doctor. This was not something I could fix on my own. 24 hours later and there I was, up on the doctor's table, legs akimbo and all ready for inspection.

"Yes, it's frostbite. You've given yourself an 'ice burn', and it's become infected" she quickly diagnosed.

Clutching my prescription for antibiotics I left the Surgery as gingerly as I'd arrived. So. It really is possible to get frost bite anywhere. Um. If I'd been a man this wouldn't have happened I thought. Could hardly stick an ice pack to your willy now could you. Could you? Let's not go there. Please. This is bad enough.

But there was some good news. Although my 'twinkle' was not feeling altogether twinkly at the moment, apparently I'd missed my clitoris by millimetres. Otherwise I guess I would have killed it. Gone. Dead. Forever. So thank you God. For small mercies. But not for a frost-bitten twinkle. No. Definitely not for that.